BY MY HUMBLE SELF

His one aim was to become the number one motivational speaker, first on this campus, and then in the larger competitive world. Even though he was a training Linguist, he never ceased to keep in touch with vibrant literary works of great motivational speakers, and attending seminars featuring acclaimed speakers was part of his integral schedule. So, in order to subject his public speaking development to the check of reality and further enhance his growth, he would make series of appearances before his class mates and started dishing out impressive and fascinating statements of motivation eloquently being spurred on by the intermittent interjections of sighs, nods, and effusive audible approval from his enthralled audience. Whenever he dropped one of his never-ending sagacious lines, he would promptly allude to the original owner of the quote. But whenever he kept mum on the identity of the original owner of the quote, someone in the class would pop in and asked, ‘by whom?’ This was the part they typically enjoyed most, and in most cases, the answer was usually, ‘by my humble self of course.’ He would say this as if he half-expected his audience to have already known and then would bow his raised head slightly, ostensibly, as a sign of humility. But it was never difficult for me to see him basking in the momentary elation that such transient period of self-acknowledgment brought with it.

Wherever I was seated listening intently to his well-thought out and well-articulated spiel, I would never fail to engage in a mental attempt at identifying his plagiaristic tendencies which I knew he was very prone to. Some of the unfamiliar quotes he normally claimed to be product of his thought were, in most cases, not his, but because he had read so wide and his literary-shallow audience read with indolent frugality, they hardly found him out. Even, if per chance someone did find out, the audacity to challenge a slick-talking motivational speaker was usually lacking.

So, on this particular day, I wasn’t so much prepared to start a highly rigorous mental task of subjecting our perpetual motivational speaker’s loose claims to the scrutiny of my own, even superior, literary vastness. He strolled confidently down to the front like the wannabe motivational speaker that he was and started with a wise dose in a rather unusual manner. But suddenly, against my initial mental lethargy, I became alerted by the quote he had used as his opening gambit. That particular citation was still fresh in my memory and it wasn’t difficult for me recalling where and who was originally responsible for the quote. It was during a broadcasted interview of a man of God that came to Nigeria the other day. Taking the initiative this time around of posing the ‘by who’ question to our own Fela Durotoye of the future, I waited with bated breath for what his response would be.

 Being the smart guy that he was, he had quickly surmised that my uncharacteristic decision to pose the ‘by who’ question, that normally got his ego bloated like a cat that has got the cream, could only have meant one thing – I knew the very truth. He paused abruptly and latched on to me with searching eyes desperate for a peep into my head in a vain attempt at grasping the extent or the accuracy of what I really knew. He couldn’t believe that a fellow student could have been annoyingly fortuitous to have seen the televised interview by a remote TV channel – even if possible, not an English student. By now, the whole class had been submerged in a still ocean of expectant silence, and only the answer from our local speaker could once again generate the ripples of ease in the still waters. The once smooth show was now almost going awry with the impending shame hanging precariously in the thin air. With true charisma peculiar to motivational speakers, he dared the odds and said, ‘by my humble self of course.’ He said this one with a sardonic smile and a smug look suffusing the smiling face. He was indeed good at that self-accrediting line to the point of credible deception. He had probably thought I wouldn’t be mean enough to have challenged any further but I disappointed him with his eyes still pleadingly lingering on me. In a care-free manner and making sure to add the right dose of condescending smile, I spoke. “How come your very own quote had been used by a man of God whose interview was broadcasted yesterday by a TV channel? That must have been one hell of a sheer coincidence?”

Instantly, of course, he declaimed knowledge of any man of God or God of man and then added thoughtfully that the said man of God must have been excavating the same thought ground as he had been. And then, in a brilliant way that provoked the naïve applause of his apprehensive audience, he capped his speech for that morning by saying, “great men think alike.” The lecturer came in and the struck-but-not-demoralized speaker walked past me to his seat. Five minutes later, a note was passed on to me and inside the note was a three-worded acknowledgment – you were right. I couriered back the note with another three-worded statement – you are good. Intuitively, I was convinced the guy would definitely make it out there in his chosen profession.

Throughout the rest of the times he stood in front to hone his oratory skill by motivating the class, he never carelessly claimed quotations of wise and highly profound sages to himself again.

PRINCIPLE: life is in stages, there is a stage to quote and a stage to be quoted. And of course, this statement is by my humble self. Believe me, I’m not lying.